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If World War One Was A Bar Fight

Bar Fight!

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint.

Austria demands Serbia buy it a whole new suit because of the new beer stains on its trouser leg.

Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria’s trousers.

Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in doing so.

Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that its sufficiently out of order that Britain not intervene.

Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action anymore.

Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it.

France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

The End…. (or is it?)

For an equally hilarious comic version click the image below:

And now, If World War TWO Was A Bar Fight!

You might also like: World War II Propaganda Posters as Art?

Europe According to GermanyOr perhaps the cause of the wars in the first place:

From the “Mapping Stereotypes” project:

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242 Responses to If World War One Was A Bar Fight

  1. Djanslajk 04/27/2014 at 2:52 pm #

    In the XV century Serbia had 5,000,000 inhabitants, and England had the same thing. Today Serbia has 7,500,000 and Great Britain over 50,000,000. Big guys are killing Serbs around 1000 years…
    Only in WW I half of the men were killed in Serbia and one in five women.
    WW II Imagine… The Croats, just in one camp – Jasenovac killed 750,000 Serbian men and women. Croats are the one and only in the world who had the concentration camps exclusively for serbian children and little babies. Serbs are heavenly people.

  2. Djansla 04/27/2014 at 2:30 pm #

    WW I Austria-Hungary and Germany stood in the middle of the pub and drink Serbian beer. Serbs are tired that they drink at their expense.

    WW II Germany and the friends decided to drink at the expense of all other.

    Today, again, the big boys drink on account of the Serbian Kosovo, Bosnia and Krajina. Who starts a fight constantly?

  3. Dyrus 01/19/2014 at 5:31 pm #

    I agree with you Yomama

  4. dperez 03/20/2013 at 3:56 pm #

    It is obvious that an English person wrote this because the comment about America’s role. While I do not disagree with the fact that America smashes Germany over the head with a bar stool. Remember, that is what ended the war. The only difference in WWII being that we had help from Russia, once again you are welcome; you may now bring your children in from the country side.

  5. Ernst Laub 09/30/2012 at 12:46 pm #

    Thank you Wall Street
    It was not a country (or several countries together) that won WW1 but the City of London and Wall Street. After one more war (WW2) they reached their final goal on the back of poor soldiers, civil victims and tax payers: Germany became finally their best profit center ever. Therefore, everybody likes Germany today. In this sense I hope that the Muslim country will also bring maximum profit to the City of London and Wall Street without causing much trouble. If this comes true, you will see, everybody has to love Arabs, Iranians and what so ever….. But then comes the problem with China…. and I do not think to be ever told by Western media to love China.

  6. ThePinkPanzer 08/20/2012 at 6:35 pm #

    In all fairness, England AND America both told France to cool his shit with the blaming of the Germans but neither wanted to start another mess so they let them go ahead.

  7. Carl 05/07/2012 at 8:24 am #

    I’m an American. The exact causes of WW1 were almost never explained to us in school even when we had a reasonably decent education system. It was not until a few years ago that through my own research did I learn of the complicated mess that started WWI. From what I have seen of the cartoon the only thing missed was the fact that France and Russia were allies before the war and had mutual aid treaties. If Russia attacked Germany and Austria they could count on France to help.

    Otherwise i think you did a good job of portraying the mess. They all believed they could go whip each other in a short period of time using long outdated tactics. if they wanted a preview of the events to come they should have studied the American Civil War a bit better to see what happens when clueless Generals come up against modernized weapons. America had more total casualties after that war than they did in WWI . The same went for WWII. I don’t know about both wars combined but I think the figures are fairly close. That don’t include civilian casualties either. We did a good job of killing ourselves back then.

    France resents America for it’s help in both wars. Japan pretends to be the innocent victim of a nuclear bomb but it’s almost never mentioned that with the aid of Hitler they had their own Manhattan Project in which an A-Bomb was to be used in a suicide mission on an American West Coast port city like San Francisco. the bomb was to be delivered by submarine. A fact that the anti-nuclear people don’t want to hear.

    Another left over resentment from WWI was that the European powers wanted the American soldiers kept in Europe after the war to be used like slaves. That did not happen. The leaders on both sides had big egos and an attitude to go with it.

    The whole mess would have been prevented had Franz Joseph had not been killed by an assassin who it turned out was secretly funded by Russians. Franz Joseph had wanted to relax Austria’s tight grip on Serbia. He once said that a country full of killers and goat turds was not worth fighting over. The Austrian so-called army was only good at killing unarmed civilians. Serbia and Italy kicked their butts in military to military conflict.

    When President Clinton began bombing the Balkans years ago I was afraid the whole WWI mess would start over again.

    • Gene 07/27/2012 at 12:54 am #

      Bullcrap!! We were taught, you just weren’t paying attention.

  8. A Thought 02/10/2012 at 12:03 pm #

    I think some of this is losing the point. There are no real winners in war. Certainly any country, big or small, that entered sooner or later, and regardless of what technology they had – any country that shed blood on the battlefield to stop evil deserves the respect of all. My hat goes off to all of these countries and soldiers who fought and gave their lives. We should not disrespect any country by claiming our involvement was any more than any other country. I am Canadian and my grandfather fought in both World Wars. He lied his age to get into the first world war and had his hips blown out in world war 2. He gave and did all that he could, and I respect that, and that is why any soldier from any country that fought in either war has my respect.

  9. WW1 movies 10/30/2011 at 11:13 pm #

    HAHAHA!!!! This has to be one of the most inventive an humorous accounts of WWI that I have ever read.  I can’t wait to read the rendition of WWII as a bar fight.

  10. Tom 02/08/2011 at 11:38 am #

    This is really cool. But you should get one fact straight: Before Germany punched Belgium, Austria and Hungary actually punched Serbia! So it was Austria-Hungary who started the fight, NOT Germany! Just sayin’.

    • Susan 04/17/2012 at 2:17 pm #

      Well, Germany was trying to blame it on Russia “If you prepare to punch Austria Hungary then I’ll punch right back.”
      But yeah, it was Austria-Hungary who started the fight.
      But the bar was filled with countries/people that are very suspicious and tense with one another anyway.

  11. asasasa 01/04/2011 at 5:20 am #

    hetalia, anyone?

    • Fiddlesticks 08/17/2011 at 8:04 am #

      YES =D

  12. matt 12/07/2010 at 9:23 am #

    from my understanding WWI was pretty much at a stale mate until america sent oover fresh troops and supplies. so no america certainly did not win that war on its own, but it was definitely th catalyst/tide turner.

    • Alright 01/21/2011 at 9:20 pm #

      Well done sherlock holmes WWI was pretty much different than this bar fight. But I dont think they actually tried to be historically accurate just having a laugh. Please dont try to be Mr Smart in this conversation.

      • BOB10011001 09/29/2011 at 7:27 pm #

        Actually they’re pretty damn right (except the America stealing the glory thing is pretty damn arguable…). The comic is off though… 

    • Rob 03/03/2011 at 7:10 am #

      7 years too bloody late

    • Kirsul 08/02/2011 at 6:17 pm #

      Actually the Germans were on the retreat after 3 and a half years of Britain and France fighting them and their supply’s and military were extremely depleted. America was still not a major country then with Britain and France being the main superpowers with the largest militarys and the biggest economy’s.

      America got involved in the last six months of the war and very much tried to steal all the credit.

    • student 06/08/2012 at 8:30 am #

      well your understanding is obviously wrong.

  13. AMERICA 11/29/2010 at 9:35 am #


  14. Harley Slocum 11/12/2010 at 10:10 pm #

    sounds like america.

  15. Otoko 11/07/2010 at 4:26 pm #

    haha, pretty good until america stepped in. you must have no idea whatsoever about our involvement in WWI.

    • Someguy 11/12/2010 at 2:52 pm #

      No, YOU must have no idea whasoever about your own involvement in WWI, not everything they tell you is an absolute truth ;)

      • Random 08/17/2011 at 4:39 am #

        and not everything they tell you is an absolute truth. sure, America didn’t win the war on its own, but we hadn’t of stepped in, the outcome would have been completely different. and that applies to both wars, especially WWII

        • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 1:31 pm #

          WW1 wouldn’t have been any different, perhaps a little longer, US involvement was window dressing compared to the crippling RN blockade of the Baltic Germany and the quantity of allied forces on the western front. As for WW2, its funny how Russia and US sing exactly the same song.  

          • Guest 09/30/2011 at 9:52 pm #

            What’s also funny is how you conveniently forget that Russia was allied with Germany in 1939, both of which invaded Poland.  Russia didn’t join the Allies until 1941 when Germany broke the Molotov-Ribbentrop Pact that divided Northern & Eastern Europe into German & Russian spheres of influence.

          • Anonymous 10/28/2011 at 9:33 am #

            I haven’t forgotten any of this, but it is not pertinent to this particular discussion. Whilst I congratulate you for your awareness of these events, you need to find the discussion for which these details are better suited. This discussion is about contributions to the defeat of the Axis and the historiography that surrounds this. Just as Americans glibly announce they won WW2, Russians do the same, who should everyone else believe?

          • Guest 10/29/2011 at 6:41 pm #

            Because you know exactly what approximately 300 million Americans believe about WW2, right?  Pull the other one…  The real problem is that people like you think that any positive discussion about America’s involvement in WW2 must actually mean, “OMG WE DID EVERYTHING!!!!”  That’s all your posts blather about.  Time to get over yourself.

      • Zeughaus1886 01/20/2013 at 1:32 am #

        Militarily Britain won WW1. The French had mutinied and were exhausted and the Americans main achievement was to mobilise and get all those troops over the Atlantic. New tactics coordinating tanks artillary aircraft and infantry enabled the British army to enter its most victorious and successful period in their history (they don’t teach that in the left wing ‘Blackadder’ history classes at school). German military intelligence rated the American army as poor in comparison with the British (who were kicking their butts good and proper at the end). To be fair, the Germans highly rated the US Marines and US artillery. However the much vaunted ‘new US tactics’ were a rehashed version of the initial tactics used by all countries at the start of the war. US casualties were enormous in a small space of time. Stupid US commanders had learned nithing about the previous years carnsge. Most so called US successes were down to the Germans pulling back to try and cope with the magnificent British advances. By the way, Hollywood versions if history are not actually true. In WW2 Britain had to save the US army in Tunisia after Rommel routed it and 4000 ‘big red one’ infantry prisoners were paraded through Rome. Bet they don’t teach you guys that at school either. Having said that, the US army learned very quickly how to fight the Germans – something that had taken Britain 3 years.

    • 564654 11/19/2010 at 6:38 pm #

      im not american at all im serbian and im not so sure if you do have your american facts right

    • _ 12/23/2010 at 10:31 am #

      I think the joke is based on the fact American citizens (in general) always claim America did more than any other country, or that they win wars “all by themselves”. This applies to WW1 AND WW2. Basically it pisses everyone off because its a load of bollocks. Sure you aid others, but you don’t “win wars” without the help of us.

  16. minit 11/05/2010 at 12:40 pm #

    nice! I Lol’d though I’m sorry you forgot about Canada!
    I would love to read the world war II bar fight!

  17. Funny humor 11/05/2010 at 2:00 am #

    Wish this was at the end, “After watching the brawl, and seeing how the winners get to rifle the losers pockets, Japan vows to get involved in the next brawl.”

    • Aha- right! 04/17/2012 at 8:32 pm #

      I know, right? Although Japan was pretty much involved in the first war, too. It was with the Allies partly to attack German territories in Asia and seize them.

  18. Andy 10/31/2010 at 2:37 pm #

    Awesome way to put it into perspective… please do it for WWII NOW!!!

  19. mikha 10/31/2010 at 5:45 am #

    Terrific! and people actually got defensive on this one?

    • Wrong 11/04/2010 at 11:05 pm #

      This is WWI, not WWII. I hope you know that Germany was actually on verge of collapsing on itself, regardless of its success in France. The country was close to bankruptcy and they were losing troop moral due to fighting for so long.

      • Proud Britishguy 11/07/2010 at 3:21 am #

        However, at that point, Germany was blockaded by the Royal Navy, its allies were being crushed, communits and socialists – who were wholly against the war – were beginning to dominate German politics, morale on the western front was declining especially as the front moved into Germany, their weapons including gas and tanks were starting to become ineffective as British and French defensive technology became better against the German offensive technology, the German tactics were effective for six weeks until they declined because of the Schlieffen plan.

        SO don’t give me any uncle Sam – we won WWI and WWII on our own – crap!

        Tally ho!

        • Random 08/17/2011 at 4:54 am #

          WWI, yeah ill give you that. America didnt do as much as others. but to say u won WWII by yourself? you’re delusional. 

          • Random 08/17/2011 at 4:55 am #

            FUCKIN A. completely ignore that last comment. i thought u were talking about britain in the last part

          • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 2:31 pm #

            He didn’t say his nation won WWII by itself.

      • an american 11/09/2010 at 7:41 pm #

        Agreed!! Not all Americans think we won WWI, or WWI by ourselves for that matter

        • asop 11/18/2010 at 3:33 pm #

          man you yanks get some herioc we won the war propaganda fed from your government. its funny that you guys are the only ones in the world that think you won the war. you guys come in when its turning and take all the glory.

          • Emma 01/07/2011 at 6:34 am #

            Your name is Proud Delusional Britishguy and yet you re refering to the Americans as “We” ?

          • Random 08/17/2011 at 4:54 am #

            lol your welcome

        • EFrazier 07/12/2011 at 3:00 pm #

          It wasnt even turning when we got in russian were starting to push a little not much and france was still under german control so was africa now i dont think we won it by ourselves but the main people were russia and america

          • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 1:33 pm #

            Wrong and wrong some more, but at least you were funny.

      • Proud Delusional Britishguy 11/14/2010 at 10:48 pm #

        While Britain did partake it both wars, to say and I quote “we won WWI and WWII on our own – crap!” is the most outlandish comment I have ever read. Terrible British officers, and planning led to the slaughter of thousands, often in minutes, of Canadian, Aussie, Irish, Scot, British, etc. troops. Those nations as well as numerous others including America contributed and succeeded in the downfall and end of German power. Don’t forget without American resources Britain and the Allies fighting the Germans before US entry, wouldn’t have put up as big a fight….And World War II! The United States owned that war! The Pacific was won almost entirely by US forces. Our Navy ruled the seas/sky and Army/Marines the land. In the European theater US B-17s dropped hell on the axis power, our P-51s Mustangs dominated the sky’s, and our Army owned the land (We went into everything first and won it, and we didn’t lose 60,000+ men in one sitting). Again Britain was there and contributed but nowhere near what the US did. We won that war. No one in their right mind would or could, possibly debate that.

        • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 2:28 pm #

          Scots are
          British so why list them separately? All officers led thousands to their
          slaughter, presumably you have a quantitative scales to demonstrate why the
          British officers were any worse? Don’t forget the US army needed British and French
          supplies before it could enter the front line and that US profiteers were but
          one source of material for the allied nations. Without Canadian and Indian
          resources Britain and the Allies fighting the Germans before US entry, wouldn’t
          have put up as big a fight….And World War II! The United States likes to
          claim they owned that war! Your Navy ruled the seas/sky and Army/Marines the
          land except for when they lost it to the Japanese and Germans (60,000+ is less
          than 75,000 in one sitting). The UK stopped buying B-17s because the publicity
          was so much better than the product. “Your” P-51s Mustangs were the
          result of a British commission, British engine and British name. Then there is
          the equipment and technology the UK supplied the US. Without the UK and Canada
          there could not have been D Day and the US would never have owned any land in
          the European theater and it was the UK that stopped the US being thrashed in
          the Mediterranean. Everyone of sound mind can easily debate your claims, particularly
          if they know anything about the Soviet Union’s contribution.

          • Guest 09/30/2011 at 9:31 pm #

            Funny how you’re so desperate to claim that the technology sharing was one way.  Reality proves otherwise.  Feel free to try to dismiss this as a wiki link, but I’ll just insist that you provide something supporting your “one way” stance.


          • Anonymous 10/28/2011 at 9:27 am #

            I’m not claiming anything of the sort chum. That you have managed to generate that curious response suggests you are not capable of following the discussion. This is a counter to an often repeated American bias, as stated here, that the US provided all the Allied needs. I am simply pointing out this is not true and there are plenty of examples of America needing assistance from its allies. I don’t need to follow your link because unlike you I am aware of the successes and limitations of the US and the UK. Unlike you I seek a balanced view and will continue to counter biased interpretations based on the patriotic delusions of Americans.

          • Guest 10/29/2011 at 6:58 pm #

            As opposed to your patriotic delusions?  The post you replied to was commenting on another post that Britain won both wars on their own.  He then pointed out some of the American contributions.  Of course you immediately decided that really meant, “AMERICA DID EVERYTHING!”, and ranted about what junk American tech was and focused solely on the British contributions.  That’s your definition of balanced, huh? 

      • Proud to be human 03/10/2011 at 12:07 pm #

        proud delusional british guy, i think your getting all confused, proud british guy said that the americans say the won the war all by themselves, and called that crap. The thing that gets me is that anyone can say “we won the war” while referring to one country, it’s clearly bullshit. America, while helping greatly with resources, didn’t really ‘join in’ until nearish the end of the war, although when they finally joined just before germany collapsed they did help turn the tide a little quicker.

        Also, it’s the same with world war 2, and if any country can claim they won that war, it’s russia by a ridiculous amount, the sacrifices of other countries pale in comparison. Oh, and the western front wasn’t lost early on in the war due to british supremacy in the sky during the battle of britain, if we’d fallen then, america would have no base to join in the war from.

        • Random 08/17/2011 at 4:45 am #

          thought i would point out, the war started in 1939-1945. America joined in 1941. not really “nearish the end of the war”

          • Random 08/17/2011 at 4:50 am #

            oh ho wait. WWI. ur right my b. but concerning WW2, just because russia lost a lot of troops doesnt mean they contributed the most. they lost a ton of battles and the only reason hitler pulled out of russia was because it was winter and his tanks couldnt continue. And concerning britain, not a lot of people know this for some reason, but hitler bombed a lot of public places when he could and should have bombed air fields. he went for terror tactics, which resulted in bombing cities more than air fields. britain was lucky he didnt bomb the air fields, or there might have been a different outcome.

          • Guest 09/24/2011 at 2:03 pm #

            Except that 80% of all German military deaths were on the Eastern Front, ie. as a result of the Red Army. Hope this helps.

          • Guest 09/25/2011 at 12:25 am #

            That’s great that you’re so proud of the Red Army, but they would have lost millions more soldiers without the supplies provided by the lend-lease act.  Deal with it.

          • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 1:38 pm #

            Deal with it in the same delusional way you do? You have nothing to prove you claims about lend-lease and if you want to bring that up you need to mention the supplies the UK gave to the USSR. It would also be good to mention the supplies and tecnology the UK gave the US. 

          • Guest 09/30/2011 at 9:13 pm #

            Yeah, you’re delusional.  Instead of listening only to your “hate America at any cost in order to feel better about yourself” classes, try doing a little research.  The USSR received 11.3 billion from the US’s lend-lease act in WW2.  NONE of this money was required to be repaid, per the bill.  Only unused, or still functional items kept after the war were expected to be returned, or sold at a 90% discount.  Technology flowed from the US to the UK also, so don’t try to pretend it was only one way.  Get over yourself.  

          • Anonymous 10/28/2011 at 9:59 am #

            My American wife wouldn’t tolerate such feeling from me, so you have already tripped over yourself there. You need to follow the discussion if you want to be involved. This is about dismissing the Americans who belong to the “hate everyone else at any cost in order to feel better about yourself” class. The USSR may well have received that value of goods, but that does not describe impact, that is not in doubt, nor is the detail of technology flowing from the US to UK. However, it is perfectly reasonable to challenge poorly informed people like yourself that perpetuate the patriotic delusion that the US did it alone. The UK also had a lend lease arrangement, manufacturing and shipping materials to the USSR. The UK also supplied manufactured goods and technology to the US, why do these details rankle you so much? You do need to get over yourself, stop feeding off the achievements of America’s WW2 generation and find a contemporary achievement so that you do not need to distort events such as WW2.

          • Guest 10/29/2011 at 6:51 pm #

            Yet another strawman argument made by you.  No surprise, huh?  I’ve never stated, or remotely implied, that the “US did it alone”.  Nor did I claim any credit for things others did.  Yet, you choose to ignore reality and instead make a bunch of false accusations.  YOU are the one on here the mission to whine about what YOU think Americans believe, etc., etc.  Maybe you should get a more constructive hobby than American bashing…  

          • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 1:51 pm #

            A lot of people do not know that detail, but your superficial claim is easily dismissed by the dispersal airfields that could be created almost anyway because of the dry summer and the fact that British aircraft did not need hard runways. The Soviets won more than they lost including the critical battles at Kursk, Stalingrad, Lenningrad, Moscow plus they kept going through the winters. Soviets & Nazis faced the same problem, but only the Soviets were capable of overcoming it. Your entire comment indicates a shallow understanding of the war. 

      • Susan 04/17/2012 at 2:23 pm #

        It did collapse. Imperial Germany, I mean. The Germany that signed the armistice was the Republic of Germany. I think the person knows that this is WW1.

  20. Jason 10/29/2010 at 1:07 pm #

    wow, this is almost idiotic. Russia did a lot of fighting in WW2 (I’m guessing that’s what the writer meant despite his error in the title) and they have the casualty numbers to prove it. The U.S. entered right as Germany was at it’s peak of domination, not at the decline. This guy needs to get his facts straight.

    • Nico 10/29/2010 at 3:12 pm #

      It is about WWI, which actually had a devastating impact on Russia.

    • Wow 10/29/2010 at 8:33 pm #

      Wow. I think YOU need to get your wars straight.

    • Silvermink 10/29/2010 at 10:46 pm #

      Swing and a miss.

    • Fuck America 09/03/2011 at 3:09 pm #

      typical American reciting American history books. lol.

      • ...? 04/17/2012 at 8:37 pm #

        How do YOU know this guy was American? Unless you’re operating by the assumption that all Americans are “idiots” and you think he got the facts wrong. And let me state this, the stereotypical American comes from Europe, so if America is an idiot, then Europe is the root of idiocy. Take that.

  21. YaRight 10/29/2010 at 10:30 am #

    Uhhh… John
    Its World War ONE.

  22. Al from Maine 10/29/2010 at 10:23 am #

    Oh as to the comment about the Russians in WWII, well that was another bar brawl. We lazy American not only had to fight Germany and Italy, but in the connecting bar the Americans, Brits, Aussies and China had to beat a samurai with a bad attitude to a pulp.
    Don’t forget that America produced a lot of the cudgels used to beat up the bad guys in that second, bigger brawl.

  23. Al from Maine 10/29/2010 at 10:17 am #

    Good point, Canada, jumped into the fray to help out its cousin Britian, much as Australia did. Germany was such a big brute it took a whole bunch of the guys in that bar to subdue those ticked off Tuetons. Actually Canada might be the brass knuckles that Briton was using to beat the Germans!

  24. jj 10/29/2010 at 9:04 am #

    Pretty good!
    But what about Canada?

  25. John 10/29/2010 at 8:51 am #

    I hope the idiot who wrote this realized that Russia did more fighting in ww2 than any other country.

    • John the idiot 10/29/2010 at 10:27 am #

      I hope the idiot that wrote this realized that this is about World War One…

      • bosnia forever 11/02/2010 at 6:38 am #

        In your dreams, serb. Besides, it wasn’t nowhere near as harmless as spilling a drink. Killing a prince was more of a pulling a knife and gouging Austria’s eye out.

  26. serbia 10/29/2010 at 3:01 am #

    we had rights to spill it, it was our goddamn bar!

  27. oden 10/29/2010 at 1:27 am #

    a good way to teach history.

  28. Charlotte 10/23/2010 at 7:22 pm #


    • FlamingoRunner 12/09/2010 at 11:37 pm #

      Haha no, no you weren’t. It helps that a lot of this is somewhat in character for those involved, especially America with the barstool.

    • harry 06/04/2011 at 7:29 am #

      perhaps America should of left the barstool lay still

  29. Magic_Mcgee 10/19/2010 at 3:37 pm #

    I am the only one who just pictured that entire fight while imagining Hetalia characters?

    • Nico 10/19/2010 at 3:48 pm #

      Quite possibly. But it helps to be creative. :)

    • Nagi 10/25/2010 at 6:06 pm #

      Nah, you’re not alone.

      That’s awesome btw.

  30. Al from Maine 10/19/2010 at 12:12 pm #

    Simplified but sound. Let’s be clear when the US ended the fight, the truth was that France was beaten to a bloody pulp and almost unconscious and good old England was still in it but couldn’t finish Germany alone. The US stayed out of it because it wasn’t its fight until it was threatened and Germany threw a wild punch. The US saw that France was going down for the count and England was shaky so the good old US just finished it because it was still fresh as a daisy and Germany was really hurting.

  31. Cooper Watt 10/07/2010 at 4:03 am #

    Man, I just “stumbled” upon this and….what a riot! I figgin’ loved how Russia got up with a complete personality change and how America strutted in at the last second to claim victory. Hilarious!!

  32. J Steel 10/07/2010 at 2:17 am #

    I was just wondering if anyone knew who the artist of the painting was. Bit of a random request, but I can’t see it on the page, and thought I recognised it from somewhere but can’t place the name. Thanks

    • Nico 10/07/2010 at 8:59 am #

      I’ve been looking all over for the artist name but can’t find it anywhere. If anyone has any details please let me know and I’ll post a due credit.

  33. Ivan 10/04/2010 at 12:22 pm #

    It’s really sad that so many people can’t take a joke. I got a good laugh from this. Like the WW2 as an RPG page. To assume that a humor bit will capture all the nuance of WW2 is insanity. Enjoy it for what it is. And move on with your life.

  34. Bacon Thief 10/03/2010 at 9:20 am #

    The start and the end is well written but in the middle it loses context to the barfight.

  35. John Doe 10/03/2010 at 1:43 am #

    America did ok in the world wars, nothing too special to warrant a ‘we saved the world’ attitude. If anything only Canadanians can make such claims however over the years they have been reduced into a whiny lot far from their glory days back in ww1 so they don’t deserve to mention themsleves in the same light as their great grandfathers

  36. Skopje1994 10/01/2010 at 1:26 pm #

    “Serbia intentionally knocked the beer on Austria because they were attempting to form Czechoslovakia and that required taking some of the land in the south from Austria”

    ?? I knew the Serbs wanted to form a Greater Serbia – don’t think it ever wanted to form Czechoslovakia (which Serbia didn’t even border!) And wasn’t CZ north of Austria?

  37. Tim 09/30/2010 at 11:32 pm #

    Loved it, though two “and New Zealand”‘s would have made it slightly more accurate for me. We are no more Australia than Canada is America.

  38. crushmagnet 09/25/2010 at 9:41 pm #

    That was awesome. You had me until you threw America under the bus. We all know who saved the world that day. Your welcome.

    • Jason 09/27/2010 at 12:07 pm #

      If you believe that Canadians were simply “Arsonists” in World War I your opinion should not be voiced. Not vocally let alone a public internet site where opinions like that make you look like an ignorant fool.

      • Nico 09/27/2010 at 1:04 pm #

        Actually internet sites are where opinions of any color can be voiced, even yours Jason. Thanks for your comment tho.

      • Jason 09/27/2010 at 2:16 pm #

        You absolutely have a point Nico. It’s unfortunate that some of those “colors” in that spectrum happen to voice opinions that are based on no historical fact whatsoever and manage to simultaneously insult two groups of people. It’s frustrating to see the names of both French and Canadian soldiers tarnished based on common misconceptions and stereotypes. One would think, that having the Internet would encourage others to do a little research before making such claims.

        • Nico 09/27/2010 at 2:31 pm #

          That is one of the downsides, that anyone with two fingers can have an audience no matter how idiotic or ill-informed they are, but often they forget that what they say to appear intelligent in fact does the very opposite.

  39. US born 09/25/2010 at 7:22 am #

    It is a good thing for Europe that the war was then and not now. I doubt that the US would have the will or desire to commit troops now [thanks to the current administration].

    These posts were very educational. I use to think the French led the pack in arrogance and now I see the Canadians want that credit. They certainly want credit for being arsonists. So, hey guys, you have the credit for burning down a building. Go Canada!

    Now back to what is really important…could someone please create this type of historical parody on how Spain conquers the wealthiest country with the strongest military [via Mexico and inept internal government control of our borders]? That parody should be really fascinating…and hilarious.

  40. Rob 09/20/2010 at 1:34 pm #

    Oh you forgot about Spain who sat through both wars shrugging its shoulders saying “wtf?”

  41. josh 09/20/2010 at 11:10 am #

    did America not join the war because Britain blockaded Germany and cut the telegram wire from Germany to America, thus they received bias news and couldn’t trade with Germany, what sneaky buggers we British are, it should be Britain stole Germany’s mobile and America was hurt they’d stopped texting them, so puched them

    • eli 09/26/2010 at 9:52 pm #

      don’t forget about the zimmerman telegram. german ambassodor to mexico imploring them to invade the U.S and reclaim the southwest. kinda pissed us off

  42. kiwi 09/19/2010 at 1:04 am #

    Hello? New Zealand anyone? Every primary school kid here knows about Gallipoli, and the camaraderie that now exists between NEW ZEALAND and Turkey, BUT ONLY AUSTRALIA GETS MENTIONED? WHAT IS THIS??! D:

  43. Steve 09/18/2010 at 4:55 pm #

    Wait, you got it wrong. Turkey doesn’t sit around doing nothing, he rounds up every Armenian minding their own business and executes them.

    • Kate 09/19/2010 at 2:46 am #

      Oh Armenia again.

    • Kate 09/19/2010 at 2:48 am #

      Well in case of a war you dont just sit down and mind your own business where Armenian starts killing people.

  44. Jim 09/18/2010 at 1:08 pm #


  45. D. 09/17/2010 at 8:31 pm #

    Some historical facts:

    Operation Overlord (WW2) – More British/Canadian troopsn landed than Americans.

    War of 1812 – basically a draw, need I point out that at the time Britain was fighting Napoleon as well? Historically it was a grab for Canada while Britian was heavily engaged in Europe. Didn't work.

    American War of Independence – won by the French on land and sea.

    WW1 – yes, America was a big help, once they came in, the Germans realised they couldn't win – one last push in 1918, and it was all over. (Although a lot of this was also the Royal Navy blockade affecting food and arms production.)

    WW2 – America hoped to sit it out and make a pile of money by selling arms to Britain and the 'Empire' – they also made some nice territorial gains by swapping 50 clapped out WW1 era destroyers for some British Islands in the Caribbean when Britain desperately needed convoy escorts. But certainly they were an increasingly significant factor, until by 1945 they were doing most of the heavy lifting on the Western Front as they got more grunts on the ground. (Although there are good arguments that the Germans were almost a spent force by the time the Americans actually got into the war in Europe in a significant way). They did do 90% of the heavy lifting in the Pacific though. (Although the British 14 Army in Burma was also very successful later in the war, and the Australians made significant contributions).

    • Stavrogin 09/24/2010 at 11:40 pm #

      Well, did not really back away very far-every 3rd male in Serbia died during WW1.

  46. danny 09/17/2010 at 5:01 pm #

    Lol i love how Serbia just kind of backed away slowly, and left the bar.

  47. Mike 09/17/2010 at 3:52 pm #

    What is a joke is that how this things seemed to gloss a significant portion of real history and thus misleading. But then again, history is not a bar fight.

  48. wheerawr 09/17/2010 at 1:07 am #

    The whole conversation about, "Well Britain and France fought the bulk of the war but the US came and finished it" is like who opened a jar of something. Yeah, Britain and France loosened it, but the US opened it. lolz

    • volatileant 09/18/2010 at 10:02 am #

      Except that opening a jar is fairly straight forward. The cap is either on or off, there is no gray area (assuming the contents aren’t extremely goopy and holding the lid on).

      Winning a war is much easier to measure in degrees, you can track progress and ‘tally up’ who did what.

      • wheerawr 09/28/2010 at 7:42 pm #

        This is true, war is different from opening a jar. I was making a comment about the comments other people were making about the war, not the war itself. Thus my opening phrase, “The whole conversation about…” If we were to compare war to any type of food I would say pizza. You came in and took my slice, so I took yours. We continue to take slices until none are left (nuclear warfare).

  49. Kelly 09/15/2010 at 12:04 pm #

    Chuck Norris walks in, roundhouse kicks everyone in the room (in one motion), and has ruled the world secretly ever since.

  50. dave 09/15/2010 at 8:49 am #

    If history was taught like that id have a Master in it. Really funny but intersting.

  51. Jim 09/15/2010 at 8:47 am #

    Written by a German Fanatic which is the girl in the bar who instigated it all with a fake boob job.

  52. picky 09/15/2010 at 8:21 am #

    You missed the part where, just as everyone else is calming down and getting back to their drinks, America dropkicks Japan in the balls for no reason other than testing out its feet.

    • Anon 09/15/2010 at 11:22 am #

      That's WW2. This was about WW1.

    • evilrobotdrew 09/18/2010 at 2:32 am #

      What the hell are you talking about? Japan was an ally in WW1, and Japan attacked the US in WW2 (albeit after several years of tariffs, stern diplomatic notes about Japan's actions in China, and unwillingness to sell scrap metal and oil to empower their growing Asian-Pacific empire).

      I cry for the state of American education, if you aren't American let me know where your from so I can dropkick your education minister in the balls.

    • Your mom 10/02/2010 at 3:11 am #

      As others have pointed out that was WW2. But I think it went more like this. Japan walks across the bar, bitch slaps America. America who is wearing their shinny new steel toed boots follows Japan back across the bar and looses both of them up Japans ass.

  53. nanons 09/15/2010 at 5:09 am #

    Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

    this line actually made me laugh out loud

    • Bob 09/15/2010 at 10:43 am #

      You're thinking of World War II. This is World War I.

      • Aloha 09/15/2010 at 8:19 pm #

        same thing happened in World War I, Germany invaded France through Belgium

      • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 2:38 pm #

        No he isnt

  54. CoolBritannia 09/15/2010 at 1:23 am #

    It's amazing that the Americans are getting so upset over something that began 96 years ago!

    This is just a joke!

    Everyone knows that America didn't get involved because they didn't need to, just as they know that Italy changed sides constantly.

  55. JBSConCarne 09/14/2010 at 11:55 pm #

    A few things, Serbia intentionally knocked the beer on Austria because they were attempting to form Czechoslovakia and that required taking some of the land in the south from Austria.

    No America was not exactly the saving grace of WW1 they were just fresh young troops coming in to a war full of tired and aging troops. The US army wasn't even very well trained at the time and in the beginning they were very unprepared. Basically any country that would have come in at the time with the number of troops that we did would have made a huge difference.

    Finally, the US did not agree to blaming the war on Germany. England and France insisted on it, forcing Germany to give up all of it's colonies and pay them back for war debts. The USA never signed the treaty because congress would not approve it. President Wilson fought to have everyone end the war and not lay blame on one country or punish them to harshly because he knew that within 20 years there would be another big war… and almost exactly 20 years later WW2 started. He knew that if Germany was too badly reprimanded that they would be bitter and want revenge. This is also when he tried to start the League of Nations but congress also would not approve that so it failed.

    On a side note, France and England have yet to pay back their borrowed money for the war from the US but Germany has.

    • Ricardo 09/15/2010 at 3:23 am #

      Britain paid back their "War Loans" on 31st December 2006.

      It was nice of America to be lending money to the Germans at the same time. I wonder how many Americans were killed by their own tax dollars?

    • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 2:47 pm #

      On a side note Britain has paid back the money borrowed, but England did not borrow any. England did not insist on anything, but Britain was represented at the Versailles conference. However it was France that did the insisting, Britains fault was not calming France. But Britain had reason to blame Germany as it was Germany that entered Belgium and compelled Britain to uphold the Treaty of London, even though Germany had been warned of this.

      • Jimjanes 09/30/2011 at 9:24 pm #

        Britain only paid back the money for Lend-Lease items retained AFTER the war which were sold to them at a 90% discount.  None of the 31.4 billion lend-lease aid given to the UK DURING the war was repaid, nor was it expected to be. 

        • Anonymous 10/28/2011 at 9:43 am #

          So as I said Britain did pay back its debts, countering your claim that Britain did not. What you meant to say was that “I want modern Britons to show me more gratitude for the gift given by my descendants in WW2″. But considering the privations and bombing British civilians endured and the UK to US exchanges such as, but not only, the Tizard Mission, you won’t be getting it.

          • Guest 10/29/2011 at 7:06 pm #

            No, that’s not what I meant to say at all, but I’m not surprised that you are attempted to claim that, because that’s how you operate.  My point was that the “debt” paid back wasn’t for everything sent over, just a fraction of the overall cost.  I don’t need, or ask for gratitude for anything relating to this as I had no part of it.  I would like to see people like you get a new mission in life other than making stupid stereotypes about Americans, and bashing us at every turn.  Hopefully more Americans will start to reflect these attitudes right back at you as you clearly deserve it.

  56. chilly 09/14/2010 at 4:11 pm #

    I just don't understand why the residents of the UK think you are high and mighty because we are just "stupid americans" the stupid americans are the ones in the inner cities and in super rural areas who don't give two shits about history or education. America idolizes stupid people for some god awful reason (sarah palin)but the fact of the matter is that American's do teach history, even the war of 1812(during which our national anthem was written)I was in fact taught in our "shitty education system" that the whitehouse was burned down. And there were 20,000 u.s casualties but over 17,000 were from disease. Face it, America helped you out, we maybe came a little late but we did not want to again suffer the economic hardships that are brought about a war the second time around. You won't agree because you have a biased hatred for America yet i bet none of you have met any of us you've seen George W. Bush on tv, none of us think he was smart either and we all hated him. But at least he wasn't a little pussy bitch named blair who sucked our dicks the entire time he was in office.So back the fuck up off America and stop being a bunch of unappreciative whiny bitches.

    • Randy 09/18/2010 at 5:21 pm #

      Chilly, as another American, I ask you to please stop posting comments defending the US education system. Your lack of grammar skills makes your argument much less convincing.

  57. jid 09/10/2010 at 10:05 am #

    I had to stop reading after the disgusting remarks by American people. Really sad

  58. Petarrez 09/09/2010 at 2:54 am #

    Another thing about the War of 1812 and who exactly won is that it was the goal of the UK to reabsorb the colonies into imperial control. Failing to achieve your stated goal in a war, as well as being forced to remove your troops back home is the textbook example of losing a war. Also…don't forget that the British lost one of their best generals who had just finishing pwning Napoleon in a skirmish with Jackson at New Orleans…and if I'm not mistaken, the war was already over when that particular Brit decided to attack :)

    The true secret to our victories in those early wars was our love for using terrorist tactics, recruiting pirates, disrupting supply lines, raiding the merchant marines, having the audacity to murder commanding officers on the field by sniper assault. We definitely frustrated many an Englishman into screaming "BUT THAT'S NOT HOW YOU FIGHT WAAAR :'("

    WWI US involvement wasn't nearly as direct, but the allied forces would have definitely rolled over if not for the shipments of materiel raging over from North America. The whole war was basically all the empires getting together and seeing what their new shiny 'total war', 'nationalism', and 'central bank' buttons could do.

    • LOL! 09/25/2010 at 6:04 pm #

      If the British Empire really felt it necessary to take control of america they would of called upon the rest of the Empire to come join in on the war effort. Obviously the Empire would of liked to of taken control but they did not think it that important to do so. So when amreicas feel the need the need to make films over exaggerating the events that took place it fills me with pity and I wish for americans to understand that they were spared from the powerful hand of the British Empire as it did not act to its full potential. Also if you think for one minute that the americans won the the war at least be honest and admit that the french did all the hard work. As if a bunch of religious pitch fork waving retards could win a war by them selves. Either way america was left to destroy its self with its we are the greatest attitude and its newly religious government. Oh don’t forget the health problems LOL you’ve all fucked it. Now wobble of to mc donalds and silence your self with a big mac.

      • RRF 09/26/2011 at 8:04 am #

        Dear Mr LOL,
        The American Revolution is seldom mentioned in British text books, so I can understand your dodgy grasp of the facts.   British soldiers were formidable in battle, but British strategy was often flawed and as a result, Britain was defeated in most of the major battles:   Siege of Boston (1775), Washington compelled Gage to abandon the city; Saratoga (1777) – the entire Bristish field army surrended en masse; Trenton and Princeton (1776) – a small American Army defeated the Hessians and British; Manmouth Courthouse (1778) – the Contenental Army drove the British regulars from the field and back to New York from whence they had started two years before, and where they remained for the rest of the war. All these decisive battles took place without any French involvment, and ended in decisive American victories.   
        The French Navy, Army, and Treasury, definately played a role in ending the conflict in 1781 at Yorktown, where Cornwallis surrendered the entire British field Army, effectively ending the war.  
        King George III, his ministers, the British Army, and their mercenaries from all many corners of the Empire,  all tried very hard to compell the colonists to submit, but they didnt manage it.  
        As for the Big Macs – you English are just about as fat as Americans, so you shoudn’t throw that stone.                         

        • About Big Macs... 04/17/2012 at 2:27 pm #

          The UK has the highest number of McDonalds in Europe. Just saying.

  59. Tom Swiss 09/08/2010 at 12:04 am #

    Maybe it's just because I'm from Baltimore — the city that saved the country during the War of 1812 by delivering an ass-kicking to the British when they came to burn our shipyards, home of Ft. McHenry, origin of the Star-Spangled Banner, et cetera — but we certainly know about the War of 1812, the "Second War for Independence".

    Yes, the Redcoats managed to burn D.C., that was annoying but strategically unimportant. American troops and Baltimore militiamen whupped them when they tried to attack the shipyards at Fells Point, the shipyards that produced ships like Captain Thomas Boyle' _Chausser_. Google his name and read up on how he placed *the entire British Isles* under blockade with his one ship. The important action between the U.S. and Great Britian in 1812 to 1814 was on the seas, and our upstart privateers brought the great British Navy to shame.

    Now, none of that changes the fact that the U.S. did show up late to WWI — a conflict in which it really had no business getting involved in the first place — and claimed all of the credit. And it doesn't change the fact that WWI, overall, made as much sense as your typical barfight — but was a hell of a lot more lethal.

  60. america 09/07/2010 at 5:20 pm #

    its not supposed to be perfect, and whoever claims americans are ignorant is obviously ignorant themselves. try to laugh at things like this and grow a sense of humor

  61. Sage 09/06/2010 at 4:53 pm #

    HAHAHAHAHA this is awesome xD
    nice summary of WWI… studied the period for years, and this is pretty much it.

  62. Mike 09/05/2010 at 10:19 pm #

    on a lighter note, “Russia was punched through a pane glass window and woke up with a different personality” is quite hilarious

  63. Nico 09/05/2010 at 3:46 pm #

    I want to take a moment and thank everyone for their thoughtful if sometimes a bit hyper-nationalistic comments. I really had no idea there were as many history fanatics so impassioned and WWI knowledgeable as have shown themselves in the comments section of this post. Keep up the good work guys!

    Your humbled editor, Nico

    ps. Check back for "If WWII Was A Gang Rumble." I'm serious. (Or else sign up via RSS.)

  64. Mike 09/05/2010 at 3:16 pm #

    Wow everybody. Wow.

    USA was the only nation bashed without a comical point, but I will take it I guess.

    But War of 1812 – GB tried again, burnt down DC, and then left, bc they didnt get nothing else. Sorry

    WW1 – USA's policy was stay out of it, set by George Washington, until Germany brought them in by messing with Mexico. Would it have gone differently??? who really knows. We probably would have had to step in at some point anyway, but lets be serious, it wasn't good for the Allies until then anyway. No we don't take credit for winning the war by ourselves, but for tipping the scale and causing the war to be won.

    WW2 – again, America tried to stay out of it, but we all know how that went. the Allies were done and thats all there is to that point, but Operation Overlord was not strictly USA, and again, WW2 was won by the Allies only because the USA stepped in, although we didnt win it by ourselves.

    History is taught right. The problem is that people don't pay attention in class…

    It's funny how we tried to stay out both times, then went in and opened up a can, then Vietnam came and stupid politicians thought it was a good idea to handcuff those that already won twice before……

  65. Thor 09/05/2010 at 2:16 pm #

    To all the Canadians (I'm Australian) upset that you have seemingly been left out of this little bit of fun, your WW1 military history is well documented and over here is considered just as ferocious as our own (although we recognise Australians had less discipline, i.e. they got drunk and went AWOL looking for loose women more often). The British of course refers to both Britain and the empire, including you (as well as us, the kiwis, the South Africans, the Indians, etc), however Australia managed to get some sort of cultural monopoly on the Gallipoli campaign (sorry kiwis) and thats why it/we get mentioned.

    Yanks… I am confident the Triple Entente (minus Russia but plus Italy) would have won the war without you however we are grateful you arrived (albeit late) to at least take some of the strain. WW2 is different of course but its really irrelevant here so stop bringing it up, thank you.

  66. observartionalist 09/05/2010 at 6:12 am #

    remember that time a bunch of farmers defeated the greatest military force the world had ever known? i do.

  67. Marian 09/05/2010 at 5:05 am #

    Look in your history books under D-Day. Canada finished the war you morons.

  68. Anabolic Supplements 09/05/2010 at 2:22 am #

    It will be face to face war :)

  69. Locke 09/05/2010 at 1:42 am #

    The picture was funny – I certainly enjoyed it, as did the majority of the commentators (excepting those that point out some historic events that were out of place / misrepresented). We all know America came in late to the war – whether the Germans would have fell or not had they decided otherwise is completely speculative. You cannot say for certian it would have swayed one way or another, regardless of the writhing swarths of trenches that kept the war a stalemate for so many years. More than likely, the war would've taken a bit longer.

    Also, I apologize for the fail of wetcoast. As a Canadian, I am disheartened to see the lack of grammatical skills, to say nothing of the misspelling of certain words, brought about the 'tricky' use of homonyms.

    However, I must ascertain that the Canadians, who were British subjects at the time, did, in fact, burn the White House to the ground (a particularly amusing myth is that the origins of the White House's colour came from this particular incident – sadly, a quick google search can easily show that there is evidence referring to it as such the year preceeding the War of 1812). This was, obviously, quite the task. The British Empire FAILED to do this, as Joey so lovingly pointed out. Yes, your colony beat the crap out of an Empire. However, that Empire's *other* Colony kicked the crap out of yours.

    And that's why you should care. It's an interesting facet of history that you haven't been exposed to. Regardless of how I come off in the above section, I'm just trying to hammer home the fact that learning about history is important. Seriously, you can't just ignore every military defeat ever suffered by a country – it's key to learn why a country failed, so one can learn more about the strengths and weaknesses of the area in which they live. Even if its outdated knowledge, you should still work for your own edification. Discounting it simply because you're enamoured with the Military-Industrial Complex is disheartening.

  70. wetcoast 09/04/2010 at 10:15 pm #

    as a canadian i love to riff on “America” ya’ll know there is a north and south america right??? still glad you ‘muricans showed up for the fight, regardless of your intensions for avoiding it. buy the way, Canada was the only country to win all of our objectives on d-day. ;)

    • Tomjones 09/23/2011 at 9:53 pm #

      North and South America are continents.  You would refer to someone from those continents as North American, or South American.  If you refer to someone as just an American, you’re obviously referring to a citizen of the United States of America, unless your educational system teaches you to call us “United Statians perhaps?

  71. Croogs 09/04/2010 at 8:37 pm #

    The usa is like europe spoilt little brother with no history of its own so it changes everybody else,s to portray them in a better light !

  72. Nederlander 09/04/2010 at 8:10 pm #

    I seem to remember Germany breaking a whole bunch of Britain’s pint glasses, then breaking one with America’s beer in it. America let it slide, but while kicking almost kicking France and Britain out of the pub, bumping into America. Then I remember America beating the hell out of Germany and leaving with France’s girlfriend.

  73. Bob 09/04/2010 at 10:07 am #

    Let me clear some things up:

    1) America entered the war because we were selling supplies to Britain and Germany was harassing the trade ships, they pushed the USA too far and they declared war.

    2) By the time the USA joined the war Britain/France were at a complete stalemate with Germany due to the invention of trench warfare. Trench warfare was largely a battle of attrition, the side that could take the most punches would win. With the United State's entrance into the war however, the manpower of the allied forces was simply too great.

  74. born in the usa (unf 09/04/2010 at 2:57 am #

    Im an american and this is so spot on!

  75. King D 09/04/2010 at 1:02 am #

    James, I know you’re being patriotic, but we were basically part of Britain back then.
    We used our usefulness in WW1 as an important stepping stone to becoming independent.

  76. moderndayprodigal 09/04/2010 at 12:06 am #

    Why y’all bringin’ up old shit?

  77. Norberto 09/03/2010 at 5:11 pm #

    In addition to zwenkwiel comments, Someone please relate a bar fight based on what people said here…, most of you will feel embarrassed


  78. James 09/03/2010 at 11:29 am #

    As per usual, when something like this is written; Canada's involvement is completely ignored. Good to see you at least mentioned the Australians.

  79. OjnoTheRed 09/03/2010 at 11:20 am #

    ROFLMAO! A very handy history tool to sort out all the complex alliances across Europe in the lead up to WWI. I am disappointed so many commentators here have confused WWI with WWII. As an Australian, like the bit about "Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it." That's very accurate – there's a huge comradely feeling between the countries over the incident because both sides suffered enormously.

    To all those who say "the world would have been different if America hadn't stepped in" I say, no it would not have been different. There would still have been bitter old men nursing their quarter glass of beer all day muttering (in German) "well, just as well America stepped back and let Britain lose the war because otherwise we'd all be speaking English …".

  80. Joe 09/03/2010 at 9:31 am #

    well, we will never know what really happened in WWI and WWII, cause the victors always write the history and tell whats the truth and of course they are not objective with that.

    but i think one thing is certain. if america was “sitting back” or life today would be different.

  81. Me 09/03/2010 at 9:18 am #

    And this, my friends,is how youlearn history.

  82. Irene 09/03/2010 at 5:14 am #

    LMAO! This was cute! Very clever! If they taught history like this, I might have done better in class!

  83. also 09/03/2010 at 3:27 am #

    As per U.S. involvement,Forgot the part where Germany whispered to Mexico, that if Mexico punched U.S., Germany would help punch U.S. Also, when Germany thought it was punching Britain it accidentally hit U.S. too.

  84. zwenkwiel 09/03/2010 at 3:00 am #

    I love how all you people

    refer to people who've fought a war about a century ago as "WE"

    none of you are in any way, shape or form related to any of these events other than the fact that you HAPPENED to be born within the same imaginary geographical boundaries as the people concerned

    Y'all stupid.

  85. haha 09/03/2010 at 1:57 am #

    Don't make fun of Rich. He controls the entire US. He can command the military to sit back and watch.

  86. anname 09/03/2010 at 1:21 am #

    I loved the "Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium."

    Oh, and pickleme, you are thinking of ww2, not ww1.

  87. OakmanNZ 09/02/2010 at 11:03 pm #

    You left out New Zealand who punched well above their weight.

  88. ryan 09/02/2010 at 10:17 pm #

    Self hating Americans are the worst

  89. ADB 09/02/2010 at 8:14 pm #

    Well, this was nice! But please, don't forget that the circumstances of the wohle pre-war phase was a little bit more complicatet. As was the war itself.

    And to Weez: You are from the US, right? Seems like everyone there thinks your way. But thats not right. Especialy for WW1. So go, read some accurate history books and than try to comment again.

    Greetings from Europe!

  90. Balkanian 09/02/2010 at 6:21 pm #

    "Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria’s pint."

    Yea, right? …more like Serbia stabs Austria with a knife in a right hand.

  91. yzzazz 09/02/2010 at 3:45 pm #

    er, wrong bar fight pickleme…

    Perhaps embellished a bit, but we haven't shied away from backing up our Jack-waving friends ever since we showed them our worth when they tried to make us pay for their jukebox choices in the 18th century…

  92. what the hell 09/02/2010 at 3:32 pm #

    I think if you want to think about it, America did help with winning the war, so if you want to claim we sat back and waited until it was about over, maybe you should ask Japan why we came in. Maybe Britain and France could have handled it, but I'm pretty sure that our numbers drastically helped win that war. Same with WWII, so maybe you should act less like we just sat back and pay some credit to us for HELPING win wars. I'll admit we didn't do it on our own, obviously, but I do think sitting back and taking all the credit is a low blow.

  93. pirx 09/02/2010 at 1:41 pm #

    and two days later: America sees France arm-wrestling with Vietnam. America gabs another barstool and takes a swing at Vietnam. Vietnam forgets about France and pummels America…

    • DehBest 09/06/2010 at 7:52 am #

      Technically the US had a higher K/D in Vietnam, it's mom just made it get off the Xbox. Mom being the citizens.

  94. David 09/02/2010 at 12:58 pm #

    Rich is right. Germany's entire war plan was just to hold on until the Allies got tired of fighting and gave up. They still had a VERY high chance of winning the war even at the beginning of 1918, but USA's entrance into the war successfully crushed all their hopes of holding on.

    WWII was even more desperate for the allies before USA joined: Britain was getting their asses kicked, France was already taken over, and Stalin was literally BEGGING the other allies to open up a second front in Europe because he couldn't take them alone.

    You're honestly an idiot if you try to use WWI and WWII to try to bash the USA. It really shows your complete lack of knowledge of history.

  95. Tragico 09/02/2010 at 12:46 pm #

    Come on, learn your history. This is a pretty much perfect summary of what happened. US did sit back and wait for Germany to be weakened both times. The second time, they even made a shitload of money watching the fight as the rest of the Allies needed a lot of weaponry. But hey, that's politics and if the UK had been the other side of the ocean, they probably would've done the same.

    • Tomjones 09/23/2011 at 9:59 pm #

      The US *GAVE* the UK 31.4 billion in the lend-lease act during the war. The only things the US charged for were materials kept after the war ended, which were sold at a 90% discount payable over 50 years, with some years not requiring payments due to issues in the UK.  Indeed, you should learn your history. 

  96. Leo 09/02/2010 at 12:42 pm #

    I think you're thinking of WWII, pickleme

  97. Benjamin Franklin 09/02/2010 at 12:34 pm #

    Some of these people sure seem to think they know a lot about "the politics of the day" and exactly what happened and why it did for people who HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T THERE. I feel like this was supposed to be a clever take (in jest) of a piece of history which none of us can really claim we have any TRUE knowledge about. Really, all we have is the synthesis of a bunch of sides of the same story of which none are objective, because everybody back then had to have some opinion on the matter.

  98. marklar 09/02/2010 at 12:20 pm #

    there should be " Japan sneaks up behind America and bashes a barstool over Americas head, America stumbles, turns around and punches Japans face through the back of its fucking head.Twice."

  99. pickleme 09/02/2010 at 9:51 am #

    is it really stepping in when Japan takes a side swipe into America? That's pretty much an invitation to come and join the bar fight

    • KiKo 09/02/2010 at 2:43 pm #

      Umm this is WWI man… We pretty much did that…

    • sue 09/02/2010 at 8:30 pm #

      not so keen on the ol history huh? this little analogy is in reference to the FIRST world war..

      • TBall 09/05/2010 at 7:15 pm #

        Pretty sure the official reason we entered WWI was the sinking of the Lucitania off the New York coast by Germany. But honestly we had little overall effect on the true outcome. WWII is a different matter..

      • Shar 09/18/2010 at 8:39 am #

        The Lusitania was sank off the coast of Cork, Ireland. It was nowhere near New York.

        Check your facts.

    • Ziggy 09/02/2010 at 9:48 pm #

      That would be world war 2, genius. The US got into world war 1 because they intercepted a telegram from Germany trying to convince Mexico to invade the US and reclaim the territory it lost tin the Mexican-American War. Ironically, this was sent because Germany believed the US was about to came to Great Britain's aid (which it wasn't) and wanted The US distracted by something else. If Mexico did this, Germany would aid them in exchange for keeping America out of Europe. Mexico ignored it, but it pissed off America enough to enter the war.

      • Joey 09/04/2010 at 11:02 am #

        well said ziggy. :)

        and to "war" up there. dont be such a dumbass, who cares about the war of 1812 and if they teach it right here or not. the fact is America still won. so fuck off cocksmoker.

        • Sam 09/04/2010 at 4:01 pm #

          Ignore my other comment, I meant to reply to marklar.

        • Sam 09/04/2010 at 10:59 pm #

          Wrong war there, buddy.

        • Johnny 09/06/2010 at 10:15 am #

          No, America did not win the war of 1812. There’s no winner when the post-war situation looks no different to the pre-war one. (Except for the fact that the US lost 20,000. But then the death of a soldier in the US probably isn’t worth that much…)

          • mrboomtastic 09/09/2010 at 1:24 pm #

            look at the british casualties…

  100. anon 09/02/2010 at 9:09 am #

    This is great!

    Where is ww2?

    • vance 09/03/2010 at 12:09 pm #

      what swipe did japan take at the u.s. that drew it into WW1?

  101. Weez 09/02/2010 at 8:28 am #

    i just want to point out before the limeys and snail-suckers start whining…America did win the fight all by itself. britain and france just didn't have the balls to be decisive, so we took care of it for them.

    you're welcome.

    • RDMW 09/05/2010 at 12:17 am #

      Tell you what, next time don't bother to heave yourselves up to come and help fight a WORLD war, just go have a burger, hide behind your flabby eyelids and pretend nothing's happening =]

  102. gonoreha 09/02/2010 at 8:07 am #

    I believe you know nothing about WWI and the politics of the day..

    • War 09/02/2010 at 7:01 pm #

      Americans can be so stupid sometimes, you don't even get taught proper history in schools.

      Everything makes it seems like USA came out on top, but 80% of the History books in schools in the States, have totally omitted the events of the War of 1812.

      To an American, that War never existed

      To a Canadian/Brit/French, watched as we burned the White House down to the ground.

      • Joey 09/04/2010 at 6:08 pm #

        Your stupid. who cares about the war of 1812?????? obviously we still won. are you gonna make some stupid remark about the revolutionary war too? cause im pretty sure a bunch of colonies took on the british empire then too…and surprise surprise, America won!

        and if it wasnt for america in WW2, we all would be speaking German. Thank God that wasnt the case.

        • huh? 09/14/2010 at 7:20 pm #

          @tobi – What do you mean America has never lost a war? Are you forgetting Vietnam? I'm pretty sure they didn't win that one. How about Iraq & Afghanistan? They technically didn't lose but they didn't win either. They realised they could never win, cried, claimed no-one was playing fair, packed up their toys and left.

        • Mick 09/15/2010 at 1:33 am #

          Vietnam? Afganistan?

        • Monkey Overlord 09/15/2010 at 9:09 am #

          Dont forget the Korean War, Basicly that never ended. Even till today there was never a peace treaty, just a cease fire^^

          But it doesnt really matter which war you guys won, cause China will obliterate y'all…

          (I'm not Chinese)


      • Tobi 09/08/2010 at 1:43 pm #

        ahaha, America won that war. Sure we had some loses, but we completed our mission. Besides IF America did lose that war, we would have been claimed by the Brits again.

        America has never lost a war. so suck it.

        • Luskir 08/02/2011 at 7:50 pm #

          Actually your aim was to capture Canada and Britains aim was to defend against the Americans and Britain was successful as America obviously didn’t win. Even more embarrassing for America is that 45000 US soldiers couldn’t capture Canada when it was defended by only 6000 soldiers.
          Furthermore Britain also captured Maine, Illinois and Michigan which they gave back to America at the peace treaty.

          Long story short America FAILED at that war.

          • Jfarr025 08/17/2011 at 5:12 am #

            mmmm failed at war huh. ur right, u totally had WWII handled. and maybe you shoulda kept going, since America has now reached a state where we basically cannot be beaten without using taking you down as well (aka nuclear war)

          • Jfarr025 08/17/2011 at 5:12 am #

            mmmm failed at war huh. ur right, u totally had WWII handled. and maybe you shoulda kept going, since America has now reached a state where we basically cannot be beaten without using taking you down as well (aka nuclear war)

      • Jfarr025 08/17/2011 at 5:13 am #

        maybe you shoulda kept going. oh well missed ur chance dumbass

      • Jfarr025 08/17/2011 at 5:13 am #

        maybe you shoulda kept going. oh well missed ur chance dumbass

    • ryan 09/05/2010 at 4:09 am #

      really my friend you are more than conceded. every country in the world tells there own tale history. for example:

      China- they refuse to teach about their great leap forward

      Iraq- hold on to the belief that the holocaust is one big lie

      EUROPE- really doesn't grasp the horrors they caused in the crusades but when the people they slaughtered start it up now its unprovoked? yea like Europe still doesn't have its hands stained with blood?

      Not saying America doesn't do that stuff too, im just saying no country tells the truth.

      • pause 09/26/2010 at 9:06 am #

        You really need to think about both sides of a story. Sure, the crusaders did involve themselves in many horrific acts, but the original mission of the crusades was to respond to pleas for assistance in defending against the rapidly growing Middle-Eastern empires.

  103. lol 08/28/2010 at 6:07 pm #

    there already was a next time rich, and US didn’t sit back, it took all the credit again

    • Jfarr025 08/17/2011 at 5:15 am #

      this time rightfully. before u ask, no we didnt win the war by ourselves. we had plently of help from allies. however in the pacific theater that was almost all American forces that swamped through the pacific. anyway back to the point, we didnt win it by ourselves but if it was not for us, you would probably be speaking german

    • Tomjones 09/23/2011 at 10:16 pm #

      Let’s talk about sitting back.  Germany started violating the Treaty of Versailles in 1935 by introducing conscription.  What did France & Britain do?  Nothing.  Germany proceeded to violate another clause of the treaty by occupying the Rhineland.  Again, France & Britain basically do nothing.  Germany went on to annex Austria, then cut off a chunk of Czechoslovakia and France & Britain still did nothing except to tell Czechoslovakia not to fight back unless they want to be blamed for a war.  France and Britain FINALLY stepped in after Germany blitzkreiged Poland in 1939.  Hmmm, *4* years of appeasement and you really have the stones to criticize America for not jumping in immediately?  It wasn’t our war and it’s arguable that it wouldn’t have even happened if France & Britain hadn’t tried to Bankrupt Germany in the first place (which we argued against).

  104. Rich 08/25/2010 at 4:35 am #

    Ya, next time the US will sit back and watch. We'll see how that ends up.

    • Anonymous 09/28/2011 at 1:25 pm #

      Ya, that time US did sit back and watch and it ended up with everyone else grinding Germany down. Then the US picked its moment.

      • Guest 09/30/2011 at 9:07 pm #

        The US shouldn’t have had to be in the war in the first place.  Anything they did is more than Europe deserved especially considering how now we can listen to angsty European teens whining about what they did do.

        • Anonymous 10/28/2011 at 10:08 am #

          The only whiner would seem to be you: “Oh why don’t people think I am wonderful because of what my ancestors did”. You are right those doughboys and sailors should be celebrated, just as all the allied soldiers, sailors, airman and medical staff should be. They are, but that won’t extend to their ignorant descendants like yourself. Find your own achievements instead of feeding from and distorting WW1. What you mean is you don’t like to hear anything that pricks your patriotic bubble. The US didn’t have to be in that war in the first place, but thinking there was a benefit and due to some aggressive German actions they chose to get involved.

          • Guest 10/29/2011 at 6:32 pm #

            Well, that was certainly a pitiful strawman argument you just made.  The fact is YOU are the one going out of his way with multiple posts to bash America’s involvement in order to feel better about yourself.  I’m merely pointing out what you’re doing.  That is no way related to any attempt to claim credit for what others have done. 


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